Use the Law of Probability To Meet a Partner Without Using a Dating App
Photo by Giorgio Trovato on Unsplash
Have you ever wondered why so many people meet their partners at work?
Or in college?
Or in high school?
Or in their small town?
It’s not just a lucky coincidence, it’s called the Law of Probability.
You show up to work 5 days a week, 8 hours a day, usually for years on end. It’s just natural you’d get to know your coworkers on a deep level and then maybe fall in love.
Same with college, high school, your town that you spend the majority of your time outside work in.
The basics of the Law of Probability?
The more ‘trials’ you have, the more chances you have of getting an accurate ‘event’.
Think: sports.
The more a batter practices, the more chances he has at hitting a home run.
Now think: dating.
A client of mine last summer committed to learning golf. She had lessons twice a week, played in a group once a week, and then started going on the weekends, too. She did this for 4 months. 3–4 times a week on the course, every week, for 4 months.
4 months in, she met her now boyfriend.
After watching this happen I became intrigued.
And then it happened to me, too.
See I run my business on my LinkedIn. I create content on there, run a community on there, and make new friends and professional connections on there.
Back in July I committed to this daily ritual, showing up everyday on LinkedIn no matter what and in September, 3 months into my commitment to myself and my business, I met a partner as a result of my daily LinkedIn engagement and presence.
The Law of Probability back at work again.
So how can you too leverage the Law of Probability to meet your own high-quality partner without the use of the dating app?
Add something to your life that brings you joy + pleasure
For my client, it was golf. For me it was writing on a larger scale. Another client, it was rock climbing and running. Another, real estate and entrepreneurship. My newest client, sailing. Wine club was also an idea of another client.
Whatever you pick, find a community or meet-up group that engages in your desired activity. Find an event, a class, whatever the entry-way is. You may have to shop around and do some research. My client visited multiple golf clubs and eventually got a referral and recommendation for the one she joined.
I myself had been eyeing a LinkedIn writing community for a few months on an email list. When they finally opened up applications I jumped on it and started networking within the group. Within just a few months of my daily presence in the community and nurturing relationships, I made a valuable connection with a woman who set me up with my now boyfriend.
This may sound like a lot of work but remember, if you don’t want to use a dating app you have to create a new approach. A partner just doesn’t show up on your doorstep without any effort on your part.
Show up with consistent energy
My client who met her partner on the golf course was going multiple times a week. Myself, I made a commitment to going on LinkedIn and engaging in my new community every single day, 5 days a week. You have to activate the Law of Probability for this to work by being consistent with yourself even on days you may not feel up for it. You may need to find someone to hold you accountable. That’s a lot of what I do in my dating coaching clients is help them hold the vision to show up for themselves in service of their desires. If we only did things when we wanted to…well, I think it’s safe to say not a lot would get done.
Pick your level of consistency. It may be attending a weekly running group on Thursdays. Or it may be a weekday event and a weekend commitment. Or it may be bi-weekly. Whatever you choose, be consistent.
Let go of the ‘how’
My client who met her partner on the golf course didn’t go in with the intention of meeting someone, she committed to learning golf because she wanted to for her own enjoyment. I created a daily LinkedIn ritual because I wanted to improve my writing and meet more potential clients. My client who runs every Thursday does it for her health and to keep training for marathons, she just so happened to get set-up with someone’s coworker in the process.
When we’re fixated on an outcome or on rigid preferences we actually risk blocking the thing we really want.
To the best of your ability, breathe and let go. If you’ve been clear with the universe about your desire you must trust it’s doing its work. Your job is to simply show up consistently by taking aligned actions.
If you asked me if I would meet my boyfriend from a career coach setting us up via email one random day in September I would have said no way. If I’m honest, I was imagining meeting someone in Bali, on a retreat, or on a dating app.
See where you can invite in more ease, trust, and curiosity of how this person could come in all the while showing up with belief and confidence they’re on their way.
You don’t have to use a dating app to meet a great partner but you do need to put effort in another way.
Communities of any kind are great places to meet people. The more your levels of social connections expand, the higher the chances you’ll meet someone with similar interests aligned with your values.
Increase the odds by being consistent, which allows yourself to be known by a group of people and becoming someone who’s top of mind.
A bonus? Be helpful to all those you meet. Generosity always comes back and when we help others, they want to help us in return. Maybe, by matchmaking for you.
Want to know what’s really keeping you from finding love? In my 60 min masterclass How to Find Your Partner in Crime, I’ll walk you through the pitfalls that keep women just like you from experiencing lasting love. AND I’ll show you how to shift your perspective so you can stop repeating sabotaging patterns. Claim your spot HERE to join me live.