How to Meet a Great Partner Without Using a Dating App
Photo by Rendy Novantino on Unsplash
I met my current boyfriend almost a year ago, without having to use a dating app.
I wasn’t particularly against online dating or apps, I’d actually had success on them in the past, but for this stage in my life they felt time consuming.
It was a total hit or miss on the types of people I’d match with and actually get to talk to.
In my dating coaching practice I support my clients in a few ways:
To help them improve or shift their mindset when it comes to dating and dating apps.
Or, to find a new approach all together.
The truth?
You don’t need to use a dating app to find a high-quality partner.
You just need a different strategy.
One of those approaches I’m going to highlight in this article.
Befriending a “super connector” and enlisting them to help you find a partner.
Here’s how to do it:
Background
You may or may not have read the book “The Tipping Point” by Malcolm Gladwell. I did, many years ago and he speaks extensively on the power of “Super Connectors”.
Super connectors are people who are extremely well-connected and who are able to maintain strong relationships with people in their network.
They usually have above-average social skills, are well-liked, and “always know someone”.
It’s a well-known rumor that SoulCycle got its cult-like following by strategically getting “super connectors” to attend their classes and then encouraging them to invite all their friends.
So how does this apply to your dating life?
In my case, I just so happened to meet a super connector through a creator community on LinkedIn.
We became quick friends, exchanging notes in the DMs, sending each other recs, travel tips, content ideas, and then low and behold one day I woke up to an email from her last September saying:
“Hey Molly, I think you should meet my friend, X. You’re both in Brooklyn and I think you’d get along”
Little did she know she was playing matchmaker because that casual set-up led to he and I falling in love.
So how can you find a super connector and get their help to find your perfect match too?
Figure out who the super connectors are in your life
Chances are you, you know a bunch of them.
Think of the person when you’re out at dinner who is always chiming in
“Oh, I got a guy for that” or “I know someone who can help you with that” or “Let me connect you to so-and-so”.
These people are the super connectors of the world.
They find pleasure and joy in connecting others to help solve problems and they love to make introductions to like-minded people.
They often run communities or they have a lot of followers and connections on LinkedIn or other social media. They’re usually the ones getting invited to events and have a name for themselves.
If you can’t think of a super connector just ask around your current circle.
Chances are your friends know of one or two.
Get to know them
Now that you’ve identified a super-connector, get to know them.
How do they spend their time?
What kinds of things do they like?
What’s their mission or purpose in the world?
In the case of my super-connector friend, she and I exchanged a lot of messages about personal development courses we were taking.
What we were learning, things we think the other would like.
We also talked about travel and how we could find ways to cross paths and travel together.
Either ask if you can buy them a coffee or ask to set-up a virtual meeting.
Remember, these individuals love expanding their networks and bring something to the table. Maybe you know someone that would be a strategic connection for them or you have some tips on something they’re working on.
Let them know you’re single
Once you’ve got some rapport, let them know that you’re single and you’re looking to meet someone.
Come prepared with who an ideal partner would be and ask directly if they know of anyone they could set you up with. If they don’t know anyone ask if they’d be willing to take you as a plus one to a social or networking event.
If you’re not comfortable being that direct you could also simply ask:
“Who in your network do you think I should know?”
Chances are they know someone who is aligned with your interests and just the act of expanding your network increases your chances of meeting someone in the future.
It’s likely, they will take it upon themselves to really give thought to helping you find someone.
Nurture the relationship
Even if they don’t have anyone in mind right away, remember they’re always meeting people.
Take care of anyone they do connect you with so that they keep making intros and keep finding ways to help improve their lives, too.
Send articles or hacks that make you think of them. Let them know when you’ll be in town and take them out for a meal.
Keep an ear out for people who would be good for them to meet.
Pay it Forward
I consider myself quite a bit of a super connector myself.
All the years of networking I’ve done building my own business and immersing myself in different communities, I’ve met a lot of people.
It isn’t terribly shocking that the way I met my partner was by being set-up myself after years of making intros to others.
So, if you’d like to get set-up and have a dream partner land in your email inbox too, make more intros of your network.
For everyone you meet, go into the interaction thinking about how you could help them.
A two sentence email could literally change someone’s life.
Mine sure did as a result of 30 seconds of this woman’s time.
You never know who you could be connecting, future business partners, best friends, even soulmates.
Recap
To tie it all together, if you don’t want to use a dating app to meet a partner you simply need a new approach.
Start to think more strategically about your personal network and who it is you know.
Seek out the super connectors.
Do what you can to get close to them, add value to their life and take on similar interests as they do.
Nurture the relationship and make an ask of them.
See who they know that could be a potential good fit for a partner.
Continue to network and meet more people and always pay it forward to others.
Energy is neither created nor destroyed, what you put out will always come back to you in some way shape or form, like it did for me.
Besides meeting a partner, a high-quality network is valuable for multitudes of other reasons.
So keep expanding your circle every day and keep an open mind.
Your new partner could be right under your nose.
Want to know what’s really keeping you from finding love? In my 60 min masterclass How to Find Your Partner in Crime, I’ll walk you through the pitfalls that keep women just like you from experiencing lasting love. AND I’ll show you how to shift your perspective so you can stop repeating sabotaging patterns. Claim your spot HERE to join me live.