Complaining is everywhere. Here’s the thing. You may not believe this but what complaining really is, what it really comes down to, is our human need for connection. If you’re not quite sure what I mean, the next time you find yourself at a loss for words, try finding something to complain about.

The two women sitting across from me became curious when I mentioned what I did for a living. As one shared that she was newly single and had just ventured into the world of online dating, somehow the conversation veered into the importance of “having a backbone”! Making sure to start things off with “clear, open, and honest communication”.

And even if you did grow up with parents in love, there is no guarantee it will reflect in your personal life. So, if we have no idea what a healthy relationship even looks like, what are we to do?

There’s a window of time where we get a free pass to be in the depths of our sadness, wallow around in the “what ifs” and “the whys” — but staying there too long can be dangerous. There comes a point where we’ve got to develop and find tools to take back control of our thoughts, and seek out help from a coach or helping professional as necessary.

Her biggest complaint, the relationship had become boring, lifeless, they were struggling in the area of intimacy. I asked some careful, thoughtful questions trying to get closer to the spot of most sensation.

…or even perhaps an image of hypnotist from a 90’s movie swinging a clock and chain in front of your face saying “You will now be granted your deepest desires”.

In truth, it isn’t just “receiving” that I needed to learn and understand. It was “receiving well” in connection to others, particularly in the case of romantic partners. Unfortunately, it took a lot of “receiving” badly to be able to write freely on the topic.

My friend asked me an interesting question, “what, in your professional opinion, is the most common challenge people face in relationships?”. The answer of course was easy to come up with, and probably no surprise to many of us; communication!

How often do you feel frustrated to the point of yelling at your partner? I was recently at a women's networking event when a woman asked the question, "Why do I have to yell to get his (her partners) attention?" This inspired me to think deeply about the answer to this question. Are we just destined to be stuck in this pattern forever?