How to Become ~ Magnetic ~
What is desire?
What comes to mind for many may be something along the lines of an erotic novel – sexual desire. Maybe you think of organizational psychology studies of intrinsic/extrinsic desire, what we’re motivated by. Or even perhaps an image of hypnotist from a 90’s movie swinging a clock and chain in front of your face saying “You will now be granted your deepest desires”.
So…what is desire? Well, desire can be a charged word. I forget sometimes and offer the word freely in conversation and am often met with awkward glances. All the more important to write on the topic!
The coaching program where I received the majority of my training was classified as a “desire-based, intimacy coaching program” and I still struggle with a proper explanation for that.
Desire, like anything, is energy. All thoughts are energy. Think of when you’ve been incredibly joyful and grateful and felt amazing in your body versus times when you’ve felt depressed and angry and frankly, like sh**. That is the effect on your physical body of having positive and negative thoughts.
Desire happens to be a supercharged thought. It carries the same charge as an ordinary thought, but it’s also mixed with a special combination of emotion, creativity, belief, faith, and even a physical sensation. Have you ever had the experience of really, really wanting something, or felt completely lit up by an idea or a passion, that it had so much momentum it almost sent you into some sort of mania? Perhaps you were deeply desiring a sexual experience, a partner, a particular job or opportunity, even something material you just had to have. Desire (especially sexual) is the one emotion that can hijack your entire system because of your body’s psychological response to it.
If you can remember being in that experience, you might agree that desire is powerful and sometimes we feel at the mercy of it. Ugh, why do I want this thing that’s out of my way, inconvenient, and difficult to have? Why can’t my needs be simple?
Well, yes, that certainly would make everything easier. But desire makes us come alive. A life of passion, vibrancy, fun…isn’t that how we all want to live? I much prefer being excited and in full enjoyment of this long game called life.
Am I 100% joyful and ecstatic every single day? Of course not, but these days, since I’m actually living some of my long-dreamt of desires, my life is definitely a lot more exciting. I’ve managed to swing to this side after living so much of my life taking care of others, suppressing what I really wanted in order to look certain ways, achieve certain things, make other people happy. At the end of the day, Iwasn’t happy with my life or who I was back then.
Desires can be simple: desiring a fancy latte or drink, or a date with a friend you haven’t seen in ages, or checking out a new part of the city. Or they can be big! Desiring a total change of career, a move across the country, marriage, family, kids. Passionate, intense, loving, connected sex. You get the idea.
My experience in life is that I always get what I ask for. It’s the worst and best reality there is. How amazing! I’m at the wheel of my life, totally in control and deciding where I want it to go but also – oh sh** – if I’m not intentional about what I’m asking for or if I’m not in touch with what I want, or not willing to do the work to turn and look at what I want, I may end up getting more of what I don’twant.
Therefore, I’m quite intentional about where I spend my attention and where I put my thoughts. I write out a “desire list” about once a week or so. There have been times in my life when I’ve been extremely disconnected from myself and my wants and needs. It was a daily practice of getting back to my own self in a really deep way, alongside some great coaches, teachers, and guides who helped me in the process. But it’s always a blast to look back at the list and see what came to fruition. I love seeing all the check marks next to the things I’ve gotten and received as a result of being intentional and calling in what I truly wanted to show up.
Here are some reasons I recommend getting in touch with your desire enough so that you are inclined to take action and follow it.
1) You Become Magnetic
Crazy, right? When you’re pursuing your desires, following them, expressing them to others, and doing the work to align with them and allow yourself to be guided by them, you become magnetic.I didn’t believe this was a real thing until I saw it play out before my eyes on many different occasions. I had been wanting a pair of leather leggings for a few years now but never got around to buying them. This past weekend, I finally purchased a pair and wore them to my weekly staff meeting at work. I had been wanting them for so long that there really was a lot of power behind this desire, so obtaining them had a big “release” of that pent-up energy, if you will.
Just about everyone I saw was excited and commented on my leggings. I had this magnetic way of being that was completely contagious and it was so much fun! It was like I was floating around in so much joy all day that it permeated into the rest of my life. Isn’t it much more pleasurable to be in the company of someone who feelsgood? We all know someone who you just want to be around all the time because their presence is nurturing, healing, energizing. They’re in alignment with themselves and what they want, and the universe shows up to meet them in a very real way.
2) People Are More Brilliant and Light Up in Your Presence
At that same staff meeting, a coworker talked about starting a meetup in our company to come together once a week to work on our writing pieces. It was a co-arising desire of ours and I was particularly excited because I’ve been having the best time writing, blogging, digesting my life experiences, and discovering this creative process I never knew existed inside of myself. I have taken it up to empower everyone in my life to share their experiences and what they consider themselves to be “experts” in. It’s so much fun to feel each other and get a view inside of one another’s lives and brains through writing and creativity. I was turned on and excited about our writing club and it was a palpable energy.
One of my coworkers has been saying he’s way too busy to ever put pen to paper but he came up to me a day later and said, “Hey, you know what, I think I’m going to come on Monday.” I was shocked. He’s an expert in a unique field and we’ve been dying to get him to contribute to our blog as an expert.
When we’re living in our desire, the people we’re connected to get to become the best versions of themselves being in our presence. i.e. my desire for our writing club and my coworker abandoning his excuses and deciding to step up and offer himself in a new and creative way for the betterment of others. When we’re called to be in service to desire - growth and expansion happens in a natural, in flow, synchronized way. Remember, you’re magnetic and it becomes incredibly enrolling to want to participate. When this new being meets your desire-charged being, real magic, power, and transformation happens. Living in the experience of this new place in themselves and in connection to you, results in touching and experiencing something new and intimate, an experience we’re all deeply craving that comes alive in the presence of desire. It’s so fascinating and cool when you can see it unfold before your eyes.
In my last relationship, a big desire of mine was to start a business. It meant that my partner would financially support us in the process of me transitioning from a full-time career to building and creating something that wasn’t quite ready to be released or offered and that potentially wouldn’t be revenue generating for awhile. The desire was so powerful it brought us all the way across the country, to a new city, to start a new life – moving him far away from where he had been living his entire life. The man he became in the face of serving this desire and being in the presence of, had him start offering his services as a men’s coach, making money to pay our rent, furnish our apartment, handle our move. He started going to events, telling people what he was doing, growing and expanding himself and being willing to be seen in new ways. He wanted me to have what I wanted and became an empowered version of himself in the process. If I hadn’t been honest about what I really wanted he may have stayed stuck and stagnant and the men he coached would not have received his brilliance and all that he had to offer. My desire slowly but surely came to life as it was ready to be revealed and I am happy to say I now live inside one of my deepest desires and you are apart of it by reading this blog!
3) You Get Worked (In the Best Way)
Naming, following, and expressing desire is a lifelong practice. It isn’t something we’re born into or know how to do perfectly right away. Getting in touch with your desire requires some courage and willingness to look at and imagine yourself in a new way. Sometimes it can be very confronting and different from what you are used to. For example, desiring a promotion and raise at work might require seeing yourself as confident, successful, and having more freedom than you’re used to. You’d have to give up complaining, your position of less responsibility, and let go of the belief that you can’t have what you want – that feeling that’s been so comfortable and has served you so well. It’s kept you safe and has allowed you to stick with people that either keep you small or don’t tell you the truth. It might mean outgrowing social circles, needing to hire coaches, or finding a mentor to guide you through this process.
Desire changes you and those you’re connected to. It’s an exacting force that seeks to blow past your limiting beliefs to uncover the best version of yourself. Do you find this terrifying…or thrilling?
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