How to Set Boundaries With Work So That You Can Actually Find Time to Date
Photo by JESHOOTS.COM on Unsplash
You’re trying to wrap up work after a long day
You’ve been whizzing around getting a million things done, handling your boss, your coworkers, clients and all their demands
Toggling between a million tabs, the project you’re running behind on, trying to calculate all the time zones to make sure everyone gets on the damn Zoom meeting, praying you don’t have to stay up until 11pm again
Your phone goes off and you get a ping
“Hey, we still on for dinner tonight?”
Ugh
Righttttt….
That date you scheduled, the well-meaning, seemingly nice guy you’re hoping is a change of pace from all the other lame dates you’ve been on before
Or that you thought had potential only to fizzle out
You agreed to go this time because (especially now that the life is sort of back to normal?) — in the same exact breath everyone applauds you for being a powerful, self-sufficient woman and yet asks why you aren’t married yet…
What?
You know you should muster up the strength to get yourself together to get ready and go out but you were just debating a 3rd cup of coffee… how am I even supposed to feel turned on and engage in a meaningful convo? You ask yourself
Sound familiar?
Well, you’re not alone
This is the typical day in the life of most women when they find me
Using work as a distraction
Catering to everyone else’s requests and demands
Feeling eh about the people they’re connecting with online
Desiring a relationship but stuck in ambivalence
Somehow thinking things will change — that next month when the xyz project is done, or when they’re back from the trip, or when the stars align in this particular way — they’ll make dating a priority again
Internalizing all the cultural and societal messages and disconnected from their actual desire
If this is you
If I just ripped a page from your daily monologue
If reading this back has you cringe a bit and want something different, here’s how to set boundaries with work so that you can actually make time to date.
Set an intention
Get really honest and clear.
What would make for a great date night?
Do you want an hour or two to get ready, feel your best, have plenty of time, and not feel rushed?
Enough time for a pre-date ritual? Dance party, group call with good girlfriends to pump you up?
How about when you get on the date…
Do you want to be able to have your phone on airplane mode the whole time?
Not have a big project looming over your head that has you distracted?
Get really clear before even spending time attempting to plan dates. Ask yourself what you need to feel excited, in a good space, and like you can fully be available for connection. It’s not only going to make your dating experience more enjoyable but it’s also fair and kind to the person you’re going out with.
Setting an intention beforehand actually increases the chances that you have the experience you’re hoping for come date time.
Establish your ‘must do’ list for the day
If one of your intentions is to be able to fully unplug and enjoy a night off of work with another person in pursuit of a romantic connection, spend some time the night before (or at the start of the week) getting really clear about what must get done in order for you to fully “be off” for an evening.
What systems and structures do you need to put in place with yourself to ensure everything gets handled? No distraction time, delegation, time blocking.
Once your must-do list is made commit to nothing else besides that list so that you can have actual peace of mind leaving the office. It’s worth investing time upfront to have an enjoyable time on the backend.
Over-communicate ahead of time
If someone at work, a boss, a client, coworker, or an employee is going to be impacted by your absence let them know with plenty of time in advance that you will not be reachable. Is there anything you can foresee they’d need you for that you can pre-emptively prepare them or instruct them of in advance? How will you communicate these things with them? If it’s a Zoom call can you make sure to schedule with plenty of time to prepare them? Will just a phone call or email do? What will your auto-reply email say so that no one expects or is waiting for a response from you.
These are all important questions to ask yourself and walk through with yourself and others before you take time off. Again, investing time and energy and over-communicating with others on the front end will prevent fires when you return and will ensure you can fully be at peace knowing everything is well handled in your absence.
Bookmark with someone
Bookmarking is a tool I use often with others in my life. Usually with my own coach or a trusted mentor or friend. Bookmarking is when you check in with someone before you’re about to go into a difficult situation or conversation and agreeing to check in with them after you’re done to let them know how it went.
It doesn’t even have to be a difficult situation, it can just be something you usually bail on or avoid. If dating is one of those things for you, bookmarking might be a great tool to start using. Enlist someone in your life to serve as an accountability partner. A coach, friend, mentor. Let them know when you have something coming up, like a date that you historically make excuses to skip. Have them expect to hear from you when you’re on your way and when you’re leaving so that you’re on the line to actually follow through and show up.
The truth is, you’re more trustworthy when you self clear boundaries with yourself and others.
Our lives aren’t always setup to make it easy to juggle many things at once.
If you want to be an active participant in your dating life while still thriving in your career I’m here to say you can do both. Soon enough, making your personal life a priority and setting boundaries so that you can feel more present in your connections will feel like second nature. Everything will transform the more space you create for yourself and your desires.
Want to know what’s really keeping you from finding love? In my 60 min masterclass How to Find Your Partner in Crime, I’ll walk you through the pitfalls that keep women just like you from experiencing lasting love. AND I’ll show you how to shift your perspective so you can stop repeating sabotaging patterns. Claim your spot HERE to join me live.